We Can Rule You Wholesale

odense:

We Can Rule You Wholesale is the national anthem of Ankh-Morpork; it is a parody of the song ‘Rule, Britannia!’. The use of ‘ner ner ner’ as official lyrics (see below) is also heavily reminiscent of the English football anthem, ‘Vindaloo’.

It was not written by a native Ankh-Morporkian, but by the visiting vampire Count Henrik Shline von Überwald (born 1703, died 1782, also died 1784, 1788, 1791, 1802, 1804, 1807, 1808, 1821, 1830, 1861, finally staked 1872). His inspiration came from his observations that Ankh-Morpork’s chief means of defence was not warfare but corruption, bribery and mercantile tactics, since most of the weapons used against the city were actually made there in the first place.

The anthem is particularly noteworthy for being the only one that has a second verse officially consisting of incoherent muttering. Count von Überwald had also observed that any group of people singing their country’s national anthem never remembers how the second verse goes anyway, so he decided to make things easier for Ankh-Morpork. The anthem’s sentiments are of course summarised in the new Pax Morporkia: “If you fight, we’ll call in your mortgages. And incidentally that’s my pike you’re pointing at me. I paid for that shield you’re holding. And take my helmet off when you speak to me, you horrible little debtor.”

On formal occasions, the anthem is supposed to be performed by a large soprano singer wearing a sheet and holding a torch in one hand and a fork in the other.

goddamnshinyrock:

So…. I think I accidentally started a series of Discworld couples, and I didn’t notice this until the fourth one. Uh. So following Polly & Mal, Vimes & Lady Sybil, Moist & Adora Belle, and Angua & Carrot…. who should I do next? William & Sacharissa? Magrat & Verrence? Serious question here. (Non-canon couples obviously included, I just don’t really personally ship any others besides Polly/Mal.)
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goddamnshinyrock:

So…. I think I accidentally started a series of Discworld couples, and I didn’t notice this until the fourth one. Uh. So following Polly & Mal, Vimes & Lady Sybil, Moist & Adora Belle, and Angua & Carrot…. who should I do next? William & Sacharissa? Magrat & Verrence? Serious question here. (Non-canon couples obviously included, I just don’t really personally ship any others besides Polly/Mal.)
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goddamnshinyrock:

So…. I think I accidentally started a series of Discworld couples, and I didn’t notice this until the fourth one. Uh. So following Polly & Mal, Vimes & Lady Sybil, Moist & Adora Belle, and Angua & Carrot…. who should I do next? William & Sacharissa? Magrat & Verrence? Serious question here. (Non-canon couples obviously included, I just don’t really personally ship any others besides Polly/Mal.)

what if Discworld characters have Tumblr

kindredspiritsandgoodomens:

rain-cheese:

I think Carrot is the type who’ll reblog those self-depreciating posts and offer words of encouragement like ‘Don’t be sad, you’re a beautiful and wonderful person with so much potential. I believe in you.’

Most of the times he reblogs violations like un-resourced art and adds a long script of offenses and punishments. He also reblogs canine creatures a lot.

Vimes doesn’t have a Tumblr but Sybil has and insists him to have one so he makes an account and instantly hates it. Calls it a mass of insanity. 

Colon reblogs food a lot. Nobby reblogs bad jokes and posts lots of images of himself. He and Colon usually post stuff that gains a thousand notes, unaware of their deep sense of humor about cactus and feet and life in general. Something like that.

Cheery reblogs fashion, gender equality and chemistry.

Reg probably posts a lot about human (?) rights and social justice. 

Nanny Ogg is everybody’s girlfriend. Her profile sparkles and glitters and has music automatically playing when you visit and her asks is always full.

Margrat is pretty much the same. Except that sometimes, she reblogs cleavers and swords.

Granny Weatherwax reblogs posts she doesn’t understand and asks deep questions about it, like ‘I see you’re enthusiastic about this public figure, but why would you die because of him/her? Is he/she worthy of your life? I don’t get it’ to challenging remarks like ‘You’re sick.’

Ponder reblogs and posts science stuff and the wonders of the universe. He’s quite popular.

All the wizards reblog food. Ridcully’s posts are all in capslock.

Leonard posts his drawings and ideas and everyone thinks he’s cool.

I don’t even want to imagine what Vetinari does if he ever had a Tumblr. Probably reblogs every post with wrong grammar and corrects it I dunno

Vetinari doesn’t exactly have a tumblr, but he has full access to Drumknott’s tumblr (which is mainly perfectly organised paperclips and assorted office stationary. And trains.) He considers it potentially useful but also occasionally double checks to make sure the HQ isn’t on some ancient temple site because things from the dungeon dimensions are bad enough without them acquiring a fandom.

Leonard’s difficulty with naming things becomes a meme.

Agnes Nitt posts music and paintings of historical nudes because body positivity and also art.

Sally has one of those impossibly cool blogs and everyone is slightly intimidated by her, but occasionally she’ll post something incredibly goofy. There are also a lot of shoes.

Angua occasionally looks over Carrot’s shoulder but she can’t quite see the point. She knows his password though so occasionally she’ll hijack it as a prank/to make sure nobody’s doing anything stupid.

Vimes and Sybil have long reblog-conversations because the askbox system is stupid. Nobody minds because they’re adorable.

Rincewind mainly reblogs natural disaster relief awareness and running shoes. Then he discovers the potato fandom.

Polly and Mal prefer twitter, but Shufti has a tumblr and occasionally collects their tweets in gut wrenching long posts about the horrors of war. These appear on her blog in  the midst of baby pictures, recipes and gender awareness activism.

William’s finally found a place to put all the humorous vegetables that come through his in-tray these days - The Official Ankh-Morpork Times tumblr. They seem to be quite well received.

Lady Margolotta runs a crafts blog. There’s lots of pink and lots of bats. She has quite a following. She’s not sure whether Vetinari has a tumblr or not but there are a couple of innocuous looking office-stationary blogs she keeps an eye on.